Marriage is a beautiful thing if you’ve found the right person to do it with. Even after finding the right person, marriage can and will change you in ways you may not have imagined.
Sometimes change is good, but sometimes change can be uncomfortable and overwhelming.
If you are planning on jumping the broom soon, then you need to be aware of how marriage changes you, and how to cope with those changes.
Marriage Changes Personal Time
My husband and I didn’t live together before we got married, so we were very excited for that experience.
Once we got married obviously our wishes came true, however one thing that I didn’t realize that I’d miss so much was time to myself.
Being married means having someone around basically 24-7. This can be great but it can also become overwhelming at times. You should want to be around your spouse, but you also will need to make sure that you still take time to yourself.
According to Forbes.com being in solidarity can help manage stress, increase happiness, and help you make sound decisions.
Find some time to get out the house. Maybe go shopping, or go grab a cup of coffee with your favorite book and hang out for an hour or so.
Even if you are home with your spouse, you can get some alone time by sitting out on the porch, or going into another room and watching your favorite show with the door closed. However you choose to find time to yourself, do it because it is necessary.
Setting boundaries and communicating your needs to your partner is pivotal in sustaining a healthy marriage and maintaining your personal mental health. No one was meant to be surrounded by people 24 hours of the day.
Even Jesus went to the Garden of Gethsemane to be alone and talk with his father. Sometimes you just have to escape the noise.
Marriage Changes Friendships
Once you are married your friendships with others may change. This can be especially true with your single friends who are not in relationships.
Also, because you are married and working at merging two lives into one, you are going to want to put that at the forefront of your priority list.
I’m not saying friendships should not be a priority, but what I am saying is that marriage is a lot of work and you may not have as much time with your friends that your used to having.
Everyone’s marriage is different and depending on you and your partners personalities (introverts vs. extroverts) will depend on how much time you spend with friends.
Your spouse should never feel like they come second to any of your friendships, Or that you are putting in more time with your friends than towards your marriage.
Disclaimer: You should never be completely isolated from your friends or family members. If your spouse is isolating you and refusing to let you spending time with friends or family this is a sign of emotional abuse. Seek help immediately.
Marriage Changes Responsibilities
Marriage brings new responsibilities. I believe that the person that created the phrase “Teamwork Makes The Dream Work” had to be married.
Marriage is a partnership. I do not believe in traditional roles in marriage. There’s no way that I can work, take care of the house, tend to my children, take care of my wifely duties, cook and clean all by myself!
My husband and I work together to maintain our household. We both help each other and do what needs to be done. We make sure that we share the responsibilities so that neither of us feels overwhelmed or run down.
One thing I did have to learn to do is to ask for help. As I stated in my previous blog, when you ask for help make sure that you are willing to accept the help given.
Marriage Changes The Family Dynamic
There are two major things that change the family dynamic when you get married besides actually being husband and wife: having children and joining families.
Children are a huge step in marriage. Having children will cause a major rift in your dynamic as husband and wife.
Before you have children I definitely recommend being married at least a full year if not more before you take that step.
Enjoy being married first before you bring kids into the mix. This way you and your spouse can work on building a solid foundation as husband and wife.
If you are getting married to someone who already has a child, hopefully you’ve already established a good line of communication with the other parent. Everyone’s situation is different, but when everyone is on the same page it makes things a lot easier.
Check out my blog post on How to Maintain a Strong Marriage after Having Children this post really breaks down the changes children bring in a marriage and how to manage them.
Another huge change that occurs in regards to family dynamics is joining families. When you are married ofen you don’t think about how you and your new spouse are going to navigate becoming “one big happy family.”
The holidays can become especially tricky when two become one. Often families are very traditional with how they celebrate the holiday seasons. Your family may not want to hear that this Christmas you are going to spend it with your spouse’s family.
My husband and I have a very unique situation during the holidays. His parents are still happily married after 30 plus years, while my parents are remarried. Needless to say, the holiday season became somewhat of a stressful time for me.
My husband’s family spends the holidays together, whereas I have to try and come up with a way that I can spend time with my mom and dad separately.
To remedy the situation, I normally dedicate Thanksgiving with my parents, and Christmas with his parents. I am still working at balancing time with my parents during the holidays.
With that being said, discuss how you plan on spending your holidays with your families. Some tough conversations may need to be had, but in the end try to come up with a game plan. Remember you plan to fail if you don’t have a plan.
Marriage Changes Finances
Marriage will change the way you handle your finances. When you are single you’re basically the captain of your own financial ship. Once you become married finances and financial responsibility becomes a two person task.
Before getting married, talk about your finances. I recommend asking the following questions:
- Ask your partner how they handle their money?
- What besides bills they spend the majority of their money on?
- How much debt do they have?
- Will you have Joint Accounts or Separate Accounts?
- How do you want to handle money after marriage?
Money can be an uncomfortable topic, to discuss but it is absolutely necessary. According to an article in the National Library of Medicine: Reasons for Divorce and Recollections of Premarital Intervention: Implications for Improving Relationship Education, 40% of couples who divorced said that they came to their decision because of the way one spouse handled money.
Marrying your person is the best decision you could ever make. It is truly a once in a lifetime type of experience, but it does come with a lot of lifestyle changes.
Communication and compromise is the only way to move through the ups and downs that marriage can come with.
~Peace & Love
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